Out of Cigs, Out of Love

I don't like it when my pack of cigarettes, the only thing keeping me sane and headache free in this world, suddenly is empty simply because I've been smoking all day. I'd like to say this phenomenon is due to cigarette gnomes but I know the truth is that I've just been inhaling that delicious tar smoke at an alarming rate. 23 so far today.

I'm done with both of my assignments and I'm left with nothing to do but look for more work while searching out non-lucrative ways to waste my time until someone knocks on my email telling me to type up some more meaningless dribble. I can't wait.

It dawns on me that I am most certainly not going to have the money to pay all of my bills and debts in the coming days and I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a hit and cancel my car insurance because I simply have as much money as some kid in a third world country making shoes.

At least shoes are useful.

Maybe I'm bitter. Life has dealt me the most depressing and enraging hand it possibly could in the past year and a half and it seems there is no way for me to jump over the table and knock out the card dealer, no matter how hard I try. Just let me get three of a kind and stop sneaking jokers into the deck, damnit, I'm only human.

Really I would get a real job if I could, but apparently in the United States today there is some sort of recession and companies just don't want to hire somebody who has a big red X on their work record saying they stole a lot of money, which that somebody did not do. That somebody isn't stupid enough to take money blatantly in front of a camera and expect to get away scotch-free.

Who cares, real jobs are for chumps anyway. I wouldn't have gone to college for two years then foolishly moved in with a man that I was in love with, only to have him decide two years later that having a fiancee just wasn't for him and to toss me to the dogs. I would have just gone about my spectacularly mundane life if not for that whole enraging and embarrassing fiasco. (LOOKING BACK, THIS PARAGRAPH MAKES NO SENSE AND WOULDN'T EVEN IF IT WERE ALL IN CAPS LIKE THIS.)

I think I'm just bitter tonight because the reality of my financial situation is finally sinking in and there's nothing I can really do about it. Then again, it might just be because I'm all out of cigarettes and I want some dinner.